I Have Changed How I View Change
Dochola |
I have been through so many gradual changes in the last
several months that it’s seems unreal to think about how far I have come. Everything major in my life has changed
including my home, job, friends, clothes, food, even the way I pee and bathe
myself (that has earned its own blog entry, stay tuned) etc. You name it and
it’s now different. I’m actually enjoying the changes I brought about including
the bathing one, which I am just as surprised as everyone else. I am accepting these changes as the
creator of them and I’m starting to go more with the flow. I like to tell myself, “Be like water, go with the flow” or “Be
flexible like a palm tree in a hurricane.”
Before, I would deal with change by resisting it with tears,
anger, and fear. It was the fear
of the unknown and my need to control every outcome of my life/future that held
me captive for years from following my intuition. It can be difficult to step out into unfamiliar territory
and give up your security blanket or stale routine. Several weeks before I was scheduled to leave for Bhutan, I
was extremely anxious about not knowing every detail about what my new life
would look like. Although I had
done some research, there wasn’t enough information to paint an accurate
picture to calm my nerves. There
were moments I cried like a baby about how hard the changes was going to be and
how I already missed my beautiful San Diego life. I often questioned my ability to continue the changes and
yearned for the past. Ma and Pa
would naturally console me and even my sister got in on some of the sessions,
which means I had to have been an extremely pitiful sight for her to join
in.
Blogging |
I laugh now thinking about how childish I must have looked,
but at the time it was real fear and panic. I was scared about what would happen to me if I got a bad
spider bite and would have to fly to India to amputate a body part or what if a
bear ate me and I died… on and on these horrifying thoughts went paralyzing me
with fear, which are funny now. Some
of these thoughts were not even mine to begin with, but were other worried
stricken folks I encountered who implanted their memes into my brain. I
come from a “worried wart” family, so these are normal thoughts for some of my
family members like my Portuguese grandma.
Intellectually, I knew that these were just thoughts that I
was reacting to and they were not real.
They were only as real as I made them and I could dispel them whenever I
chose. I also understood that I
was stepping out of my comfort zone, so my mind brought to the surface all of its
fearful thoughts I inherited growing up from others and society, with the
purpose of protecting me. On the
other hand, there was a part of me that wanted to go more than anything and it
fed off any motivation it could get.
I recognized this as my intuition urging me forward and I listened to it
more than the ugly thoughts.
I love Bhutan! |
Now I sit here in peace thinking about what was all that
fuss about? Bhutan feels safe and
I love it here. I know first hand
that it’s never as scary as what the mind can conjure. Those moments of unnecessary agony I
put myself through has made me appreciate the mind more than ever. It’s such an interesting device! I’ve found that if you allow it to run
wild, it can come up with all sorts of unrealistic fears that may keep you
stuck in the mud. To think that I
could have listened to it and miss out on one of the most amazing experiences
of my life is scary. Fortunately,
there is a night and shinning armor in my story that aided me through the
worries, my Dad, who is not part of the “worried warts.” He was often the hero, pulling me out of
my mini tar traps. I still think
about his speeches whenever I feel like I’m walking into some quick sand. I hear him saying, “Your going to be fine,
it’s not going to be scary, you will adjust, you’ve done harder things before, if
you need us we will come…” He would also say, “The mind is a tool like a
computer and you can use it to your benefit…” and I’m starting to get this. Thanks Dad! And mom and Sonia too!
Since I’ve arrived in Bhutan, I’ve used some of dad’s
motivational speeches to push through further changes. Most importantly, I have changed how I view change,
which is not always perfect, but it’s a start to a healthier life. I use the renowned teacher, Louise
Hay’s mantra that “whatever lies before me is good…” therefore, whatever change
I experience, I know it’s for my highest good. Now I’m looking forward to what the universe will bring me
next because today I like the changes that I have created in my life. It’s quiet exciting, almost like a game
I finally figured out the rules to. One of the lessons/rules that I learned is to welcome change
in order to grow and experience more of life. Change doesn’t have to be scary or bad when you take
responsibility for it and know it’s there for your own good. I’m learning that change is an
opportunity to grow beyond your current abilities and one can consciously
create it. Sometimes I get lost in
thought while walking home on a small trial from my new school, then I look up
and see the most beautiful sights ever; rolling mountains covered with
thousands of green trees, kids in colorful kiras, a rushing river and I think,
“Wow this a great change, good job Sabrina!”
Great job Sabrina very proud of you and Ive said it before.You are a strong young woman.You are doing what I and others would love to do.All the beautiful sites and being right there.Walking and every where you look beauty.Once in a life time oppertunity.Just enjoy and take it all in.Good time to clear your mind and think positive thoughts.Love you.
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